I never imagined how difficult it would be, waiting for that 'call.' No, not the referral call...that was hard enough, the call that tells me I can pick up my baby girl! I miss her, so much! I never knew how difficult it would be to leave Ethiopia without her. To know that my child is a world away, is SO hard. TO not be able to hold her, and kiss her and tell her we love her .... it is VERY difficult! I know that the nannies LOVE her so much and take WONDERFUL care of her, but I want her with me, so badly!
I sit here, and sometimes my mind wanders. It always starts with the, "Oh look how beautiful she is....oh look how cute." But then, the fears start to set in. "What if she gets sick?? What if she cannot get the medicine she needs? What if???" Those fears can take a hold of you SO quickly. Lately it has gotten to the point where I cannot sleep at night. I sit up sometimes at night praying and praying for the safety and security of Aliyah. I have always been a worrier (hate that trait in myself, but that is who I am). I worry about Alexa, a lot. BUT -- she is here, sitting next to me! I feel a sense of security in that. My Aliyah is a world away, and there is nothing I can do for her right now. I have NO control! I hate that! As the wait gets longer, the worries become stronger. The thing that comforts me, besides the wonderful WONDERFUL adoptive friend moms I have made (along with my sister and the family that talks with me about my fears) is God! I feel so much closer to him lately. I feel like He is watching over her for me. He will keep her safe! I hold on to those feelings, for it gives me a sense of peace. Until I can be there picking her up and taking her home forever I know this will help me!
If you have a moment, say a prayer for my baby girl, for the wisdom of her caregivers, and for my worrisome mind. I cannot wait to get that call, but until that happens, I will be over here counting down the days, playing with my beautiful Alexa AND looking at sweet pictures of Aliyah..
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